No One is Looking

(you go first. no you)
peeling back a whole other surface
I count times I survived when I didn’t have to

disorder swirls
like a record skipping at a scratch
needle jumping

pushing sunshine out of my eyes
I blink and dream
you never know how it will to feel until you do it

underneath a sky that on the setting sun’s cue flips into a fanatic blue
blue
inside this technicolor turbulence of hues
I count time
seconds
imagine everything so good
you ask for seconds

disorder quits swirling and starts to flip
hyped hymns swim into fast licked talking currents
time’s sign that now is crazier than then
and how many of us does it take to equal enough

a beginning as invisible as time can be as slippery as wet glass
as quick as a sky snapping with thunder
as slim as a side glance

watching the sun slip out of sight
I stare into this electric lit night
and for a moment fear forgets where it is

this is the beginning to begin
the dark dreams around me

fear the color of red the color of exit glow kneeling into the color of dark
fear the color of noise when the noise is time and time is running

in dreams I see beneath the surface
and I have seen the scheme
of one shadow tipping off another shadow and
I dream of this dark as the end of this task
and take of rhythm
that does so little of us any good
watch me while I enter sleep
maybe you can eyewitness how I dream
how I look when I think no one is looking

Michele Kotler, Jan. 1997, New York, NY